The Rockwood 2004 Olympic Watch--Friday, August 20, 2004

Friday, August 20, 2004

Grrrr...fluff increase! NBC making me angry. You no like me when I'm angry, NBC. Rockwood smash! ARRRRR!!!

Today's coverage starts with volleyball, the non-beach variety. The U.S. women are facing the Russians. Regular versus beach volleyball? No bikinis in regular. Bad. Three times as many volleyball players in regular? Good.
And now, in our tribute to The Man Show, women on trampolines! I know, I know...I've used that joke before. But really, how can I not?

However, the coverage, though short, was pretty good. It turns out that Olympic trampolining is very much like Olympic diving, except you don't bounce off of the water. Flips, twists, big air...all very impressive.

Most impressive of all was the superimposition effect that NBC has carried over from downhill skiing in the winter games. The Chinese trampoliner had her latest series of jumps superimposed over the last series, and they were stunningly similar. Even better, the judges gave her the exact same score both times. Al Trautwig noticed this and gave the judges some kudos.
Ads. McDonald's Chicken Select menu apparently not only makes you paranoid, but it also makes you talk to people who aren't there. I'm not lovin' that.
And we're off to the track! And we're there for all of five minutes when NBC starts coming apart at the fluffy seams.
U.S. sprinter Lauryn Williams' dad has not only leukemia, but needs dialysis as well. The good news is that charitable people in Miami, where Williams is from, heard this news and raised enough money to send Dad, Mom, and several other family members to Athens to watch Lauryn compete. The bad news? Once again, NBC is making me feel guilty for not wanting to see fluff. "You don't want to see a story on Lauryn Williams' dad? What kind of heartless monster are you?"
"Chevrolet Olympic Moments" with Jimmy Roberts. It is a measure of Bob Costas' professionalism that he can trade awful puns with Jimmy Roberts and look like he's enjoying himself. Although, maybe he is. Maybe Bob looks at Jimmy every day during the Olympics and thinks, "If this is the best they've got, my job is secure forever!"

Anyway, Jimmy lets us all know about brave and courageous diver Laura Wilkinson, who won the gold in Sydney for the U.S. despite competing on a broken foot. Lookee there. I said everything Jimmy said in one sentence! Again. If you want to get into the "Chevy Olympic Moments" spirit when you read that sentence, try putting on a brave smile and biting your lower lip like President Clinton does. We feel your pain, Laura! But Jimmy, clearly, does not feel ours.
Then some ads and straight into more fluff! This one is kind of short, but still, read the past few paragraphs. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. NBC's coming off the tracks.
Fifteen minutes of diving, and then some more Laura Wilkinson fluff! My God. It's like watching Paul Hamm stumble into judges on his vault landing. For the love of all that's holy, make it stop!
Ah, a slight redemption! While still on diving, NBC again used their stop-motion diving cam to show a diver at various stages in her dive. Adding to its usefulness is the fact that the diving announcers know how to analyze these photos in a way I can understand. Good job, NBC!
And then, more fluff. This time on Jeremy Wariner, the U.S.'s best hope at the 400-meters. What did this piece say? I don't even remember. My notes are even vague. I think the whole thing sent me into a temporary coma due to its sugary goodness. Oh, and after this fluff, Wariner raced and destroyed his competition.
Michael Phelps. Again? This time versus Ian Crocker, also of the U.S. And what would a good rivalry be without a fluff piece? Well, then, let's have one all about Phelps and Crocker, shall we? We shall! Yawn.
So, Phelps wins, again, and we head straight to the 50-meter freestyle featuring Johnny Bravo...uh...sorry.... featuring Gary Hall, Jr. Oh, and by "straight to it" I mean right into the race, after this minute of fluff. Grrrr....
Jimmy Roberts does twice the damage tonight, as somehow he's managed to break free of the shackles that had him secured in the anchor room. Now at poolside, Jimmy tells us how much American Jenny Thompson deserves to win the 50-meter freestyle because her mom died in February, and Mom was always a big supporter. Might not Jenny deserve to win because she trained harder and better than her competition? Nope. It's all about the mom. Once again, Jimmy, thanks for making me feel guilty.
Jimmy closed his Jenny Thompson piece by saying "sometimes to move ahead, you have to start by taking a step...back." No, the ellipses are not something left out, but merely the only way I can think of to write the dramatic pause that Jimmy puts into all of his stories. And didn't he just say something about making progress by going backwards the other day? What does this mean? It's nonsense! This is the kind of phrase used by someone who wants to make you think he's deep. Jimmy, sometimes the only way to be deep, is to be...shallow. The only way to be smart, is to be...stupid. The only way to be soothing is to be...annoying. Obviously, I could go on like this all day, but then I'd risk Chevrolet trying to hire me to do their 2006 Olympic Moments.
Al Trautwig, distraught over having to cover trampoline tonight because there were no gymnastics, lays it on thick with his tribute to Carly Patterson. She's America's sweetheart! She's the queen of gymnastics! Look at her in slow-motion! She's super-awesome talented and...

I'm sorry, I'm not properly conveying just how much Al was gushing over Carly. Let me try again.

SHE'S AMERICA'S SWEETHEART! SHE'S THE QUEEN OF GYMNASTICS! LOOK AT HER IN SLOW-MOTION! SHE'S SUPER-AWESOME TALENTED AND GREAT AT EVERYTHING! YAY, CARLY!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yeah. That's closer. Blech.
Bob does a nice interview on his Olympic "Later" set with Michael Phelps, who has now decided that after winning seven medals he's finished with the games. I feel a little bad about counting this as fluff, since Bob is so professional about it, but it's not ads and it's not events, so what else can it be?

I knew it. Just as I was starting to believe, NBC yanked the rug out from under me and poured on the fluff. Now, it's still better than it was two or four years ago, but there was twice as much fluff tonight as there was last night. Perhaps I was overconfident in NBC's ability to stay away from the fluff, much like the Dream Team was overconfident in their first games in Athens. But not now, Peacock Network! I'm watching you closely, now! Oh yes, I'm watching you closely!

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