Monday, February 14, 2022

It's ladies night, oh what a night.

If you hear any noise, it ain't the boys, it's ladies night at the Olympics, where almost every event NBC covers tonight is for the ladies.

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• No fluff yesterday, so what do we start off this broadcast with? Yep. One minute of happy clips of all of yesterday's winners.
• To the HOUSE OF SPEED to watch pre-recorded Americans in the two-man bobsled. Of course, that means they probably won't do very well, but let's cheer them on anyway! I like that NBC has a little map showing where the sled is on the run, but sometimes it covers up the sled. They need to rework that a little. Neither American team does very well. They finish 15th and 28th. The last two sleds are from Brazil and Jamaica. No snow in either country, and they finish 29th and 30th.
• Eileen Gu has lots of Instagram followers, says Mike Tirico. Of course! Instagram loves communist traitors!
• We are LIVE at the Women's Slopestyle competition, where Gu will turn a blind eye to the genocide she's supporting in an attempt to win a second gold medal.
• Let's get some Gu fluff, because NBC loves communist traitors, too. Gu said it was a tough decision to stab her home country in the back, but she did it anyway because she wants those sweet, sweet followers. And who cares about slave labor when you can get a lot of hits on Twitter?
• After the first of three runs, free France and Estonia lead communist China, but it only takes one good run to win. We’ll see how run two goes.
• Randy Moss tells us more about Eileen Gu, this century’s Benedict Arnold. She’s going to Stanford and is smart! Let’s test her: Eileen, spell “genocide.”
• Maggie Voisin of the US nails her second run and is currently in third place. Gu falls and ends round two in eighth. Are we going to get three minutes of fluff on the American skier, or are we saving all the fluff stories for the communists this year?
• Maggie gets passed in round three and her third run doesn’t make up enough points, so she’s out of the medals. Gu is next. Her run is clean and she advances to second place. Kelly Sildaru of Estonia goes last but can’t get past third place. Switzerland’s Mathilde Gremaud wins gold. No one other than the communist got any fluff.
• Kamila Valiyeva of the Russian Crime Syndicate will be able to compete. But if she wins, there will be no medal ceremony for the team event, which she was already a part of, or the individual event, which she has yet to skate in. Could this whole situation be any more convoluted?
• It was just daytime, now it’s night. Strangely, we’ve gone backward in time since this isn’t live. Anyway, it’s the Women’s Aerials Freestyle Skiing, and we join in progress in round two. Oooooo! They have a Bullet Time camera here so they can pause and rotate on a skier in mid-air. That’s slick.
• A curling update! The US is beating the Swiss LIVE on another channel. You can go there or stay here for Mikaela!
• Mikaela it is! We are LIVE on the top of the mountain for the Women’s Downhill. Shiffrin specializes more in the slalom-type races than the speed events, but she’s here to give it a try anyway. There’a a lot of lead time before the start of this event. Something must have ended early. We get to see a POV view of the slope. Along with the POV shot from the bobsled run earlier tonight, we’ve now seen what two sports look like from the athletes perspective. NBC! Do curling next!
• NBC has been selling this whole downhill as a race between Mikaela Shiffrin and Italy’s Sofia Goggia. They’ll be racing back-to-back in a few minutes. What if neither one of them wins? Then they’ll do a fluff piece on Eileen Gu! Ha!
• Shiffrin finishes almost two seconds behind the leader. But Goggia, who just a few weeks ago sprained her knee, flies down the hill, takes the lead, and stops to kiss the camera lens for good measure. Switzerland’s Corrine Suter, the next skier down, beats Goggia.
• Next up for the US is Alix Wilkinson skiing in her first Olympic downhill. Nope! She’s off the course. The last chance for Team USA is Keely Cashman, also in her first Olympic appearance. Also no. She’ll have to settle for being the 17th fastest woman skier in the world.
• Now it’s time for Erin Jackson’s medal ceremony for winning gold in the Women’s 500M speed skating last night. Will she sing? No, but she’s crying. That’s an acceptable substitute.

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Why is NBC so insistent on trying to make us like Eileen Gu? She obviously wasn't insistent on wanting us to like her. There are plenty of American women to focus on, NBC. Let's focus on them! See you tomorrow!

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