Monday, July 29, 2024

Put the Nerd in charge.

NBC forgets how to count. That wouldn't happen if you let the guy with glasses take over.

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• It's Monday and Mike says we're going to dive right in with swimming. So off to Paris La Defense Arena we go for the Women's 400-meter individual medley final. Summer McIntosh of Canada is the favorite, but American Katie Grimes is expected to compete. Well, uh... not for first. McIntosh swims away with it. But Grimes and teammate Emma Weyant finish silver and bronze. We almost got a medal ceremony, but NBC didn't want us to see "Oh, Canada." We just got to see everyone getting teary afterwards.
• To Men's Team Competion in gymnastics where we start with… rotation 2? What happened to rotation 1? I'm going to be upset if we skipped rotation 1 now so we can spend five minutes looking at celebrities in the crowd later. Anyway, on to the vault. Paul Juda goes first and nails it. Brody Malone, who had a bad night on Saturday, also nails it. Asher Hong steps out on the landing, but did three flips, so he still gets a good score. After two rotations, the US is ahead! Wow! I wonder what rotation 1 looked like? I guess we'll never know.
• The men of Team USA look at old pictures of themselves and get messages from their parents. Sniff sniff… their parents all love them. Awwwwww. Fluff.
• Rotation 3 starts with Frederick Richard on the parallel bars. Good score! Asher Hong is the second… wait! He's the third gymnast? What happened to the first guy? Asher does great. I sure wish we could have seen the first gymnast. But we had to watch Team USA look at their baby pictures. I remember how we missed a touchdown in the Super Bowl because we had to look at baby pictures of Pat Mahomes. Oh wait… no I don't. Because such a thing would never happen in the NFL. After three rotations, the US is second to China.
• Rotation 4! High bar! Paul Juda leads us off. Is he gymnast number one? Who knows?
• Here's the story of Frederick Richard. He narrates his own story. He wants to expand the popularity of men's gymnastics. He's good on TV, but it's still fluff.
• But what ISN'T fluff is what he does on the high bar. That's GOLD baby. Normally, that's just a saying, but tonight it might be true. His dad approves. Snoop is nowhere to be seen.
• Brody Malone grew up on a farm and he… wait a minute. Didn't he get this same fluff story the other night? No, it's different. His dad narrates this one. No good fluff story is complete without sadness, and in Brody's case that was when his mom died of cancer in 2012. His dad gets choked up. It's a sad story, but it's still fluff.
• Brody gets his shot at redemption after falling from the high bar in the qualifying round. REDEEMED! The former world champion of high bar nailed it. I was a little worried that Tim was going to jinx him when he said "this is the move where he broke his leg." Shut up, Tim! But although it looked good, the score wasn't that high. Tim disagrees with the score. That, of course, means nothing since he's not the judge. The US is now in fourth.
• David Popovici of Romania trains at the same pool he swam in where he grew up. You know, to inspire the kids! He had offers to go to colleges in the US, but he chose to stay in Romania and name himself "Chlorine Daddy." He also likes Romanian hamburgers. In fact, he just likes everything about Romania. Anyway, fluff, but an interesting guy.
• Let's watch him swim in the Men's 200-meter freestyle final. Rowdy says he's the favorite, but he's not swimming that way. This is a tight race! American Luke Hobson is in the leader pack. He might win! NO! Popovici DOES pull it out to win gold, and Hobson finishes third. The difference? Only 0.07 seconds between first and third. That's close.
• The Men's 100-meter backstroke is next. Races this short are always close. American Ryan Murphy isn't a favorite, but he is second at the turn. Another close race! Murphy takes bronze, his seventh career medal. And then, after the medal ceremony, his expecting wife holds up a sign that says, "It's a girl." Heck of a way to do a gender reveal.  That's a big day for Ryan!
• Team USA Women's gymasts! Slay queeeens! Fluff.
• Tennis! Water polo! Women's basketball! Women's rugby. These are all sports you won't see tonight. Thanks for nothing, Gold Zone.
• Back to gymnastics for the floor exercise. Paul Juda goes first and Tim agrees with his score. Because that's what matters. Asher Hong gets a little sloppy, but Tim agrees with the score. Last up on floor, Frederick Richard. "Unbelievable!" yells Tim. He gets the best US score on that rotation. Will that raise the team up the leaderboard? After five rotations the US is in third place, with a shot at second.
• Last rotation! The pommel horse. Paul Juda goes first and does great. Sorry. "Spectacular," says Tim. I wasn't enthusiastic enough.
• Meanwhile, on the high bar, China falls. Twice! Is that enough for the US to catch up? Doubtful. I don't know exactly how many points the US needed to catch up, but I think one guy falling isn't going to do it.
• Brody is up! Can he get redemption again? REDEEMED! We just need another couple of Chinese gymnasts to fall.
• Meanwhile, on the bench, the Nerd awaits. Stephen Nedoroscik is calm. Rested. Ready. Glasses off. Let's goooooooo! Nerds rullllle! Stephen gets the highest score on the US team, and guarantees Team USA a medal. But which medal? Zhang Boheng of China is getting on the high bar. Maybe he'll fall twice. Nope. He takes a big step on the landing, but that won't change anything... for the US. But it does for Japan! China falls to silver, Japan wins gold, and the US men score a bronze, medaling for the first time in 16 years. They interview the team afterwards, and what did Nedoroscik do? He quoted statistics! Nerrrrrrrd!
• Back to the pool, where American Lilly King will try to win her third career medal in the Women's 100-meter breaststroke final. Nooooo! Lilly finishes in 4th place by 0.01 seconds. How much is that? I'm a nerd, too, so I did the math. About a centimeter. Imagine missing out on a medal because you were a centimeter behind in a 100-meter race.
• Synchronized 10-meter platform diving is next. There are no Americans in this event. I'm kind of surprised NBC is showing it. You know what the maximum score from each judge is? A 10! Learn from that, gymnastics rules-makers!
• Regan Smith of the US is the world record holder in the 100-meter backstroke. She's gets a minute of fluff because of that. Now we get to see her swim in the semifinal. Unsurprisingly, the current world record holder eases to a semifinal victory.
• The US Men's Gymnastics team is here at the restaurant studio set to talk to Mike. He starts by interviewing the nerd. Stephen says that finishing pommel horse routine was the best moment of his life. Mike compares him to Superman and Clark Kent when the glasses come off, but then he finishes by noting that, this morning, Nedoroscik solved a Rubik's Cube in less than 10 seconds. So, we're back to nerrrrrd. But that's bronze-medal-winning nerd to you.

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My personal best on a Rubik's Cube is about two-and-a-half minutes. I can't even beat a gymnast. That's okay. He probably can't write a blog. What am I saying. He's a nerd. Of COURSE he can write a blog. Maybe tomorrow I'll figure out something I can beat him at. But probably not. Tune in anyway!

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