August 4, 2008: Bei Bei: I am Bei Bei, a Chinese Olympic mascot. I understand you'll be writing about our games? Kepler: Yeah, on my blog. Bei Bei: Excellent! First we'll need to make sure you use approved news websites. Let me check. No. No. No. No. Kepler: You erased every bookmark I have. Bei Bei: Now you're free to report anything we approve about our Olympics!
August 6, 2008: Mitch: For the Olympics, I'm going to totally immerse myself in China. First, a giant made-in-China TV. Next, a two-and-a-half week supply of Chinese food. And finally, smog bombs! Al: The perfect cover for oppressing members of Falun Gong!
August 8, 2008: Mitch: I'm betting they'll use fireworks. Al: I'm betting they'll use a fire-breathing dragon. People: Aiee! Aaaa! Arg! Mitch: I never would have bet they'd light the torch using Tibetan protestor immolation. Al: Or that they'd have so many 'volunteers.'