September 17, 2007: Kepler: This platinum cylinder is the official benchmark of how much a kilo gram weighs. But it's mysteriously losing weight. Al: If that thing is the benchmark, then isn't everything else gaining weight? Kepler: That would explain America's obesity problem. Al: That's why I don't feel guilty about super-sizing this deep-fried Twinkie.
September 19, 2007: Mitch: Ahoy, me matey! Have ye any grog? Will: Talk like a pirate day, again? Mitch: Aye! And a fine day it be, ya land-lubber! Will: Uh-huh. Just keep your scurvy hands out of trouble. Mitch: Avast! Do ya know anyone who needs a keelhaulin'? Will: Now that you mention it, O.J. is causing trouble again.
September 21, 2007: Mitch: Summer's almost over, KHAN. I can already smell that crisp fall air. Ahhhh! KHAN: That's impossible. I keep the temperature and humidity on this station at a constant level year-round. There are no seasonal differences. Mitch: Yes, but I like to imagine it's different. KHAN: That's funny... I like to imagine being surrounded by rational beings.