For too long now, our country has been lead by three-dimensional men who exhibit two-dimensional thinking. Clearly this juxtaposition is why the government is such a mess. I intend to straighten out this country's bureaucratic nightmare by restoring the two-dimensional thinking to where it rightly belongs: two-dimensional characters!

How can someone who lives in three dimensions possibly make black-and-white decisions when he's too worried about up-and-down, left-and-right, or front-and-back? I, on the other hand, am more than qualified to make black-and-white decisions, because I am always black-and-white! (Except, of course, on Sundays, but government offices are closed then, so that shouldn't be a problem.)

Also I, better than any other candidate, truly represent you, the average American. I have never owned a baseball team, played professional basketball, been a fighter pilot, or invented the internet. I am not a millionaire (though I'm open to any offers to change that). I have obtained all of my fortune through honorable means, not by charging outrageous prices for hot dogs at my ballpark or by trading strictly-incidental-information-I-assure-you to the Chinese for moneys which may or may not have ended up in my campaign's slush fund.

No, I am a sincerely average person and I intend to run a sincerely average campaign based on sincerely average issues. Who cares about the social policies of some backwards, third-world nation? I want to know why the federal government funds stoplights that turn red for you at 3 a.m. when you're the only car on the road. Issues like those are what the real America cares about and they are the issues I intend to address.

So please, take a look around the Rockwood 2000 web site. I think after reading through it you'll agree that it's time for a dramatic change in American leadership. It's time that the average American was represented in the White House. It's time that a cartoon besides Ross Perot was an eligible candidate.

It's time that Will Rockwood was president of the United States.

Thanks in advance for your support.