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ROCKWOOD DEMANDS MASSIVE, COSTLY "DO-OVER"
Friday, November 10, 2000
NORMAN, OK--Citing an obvious mistake on the ballot in Florida as well as
other parts of the country, third-party candidate Will Rockwood today called
for a massive and costly do-over vote for the presidency of the United
States.
"It's clear that the nation is divided on who would be the best president,"
said Al Vanguard, Rockwood 2000's campaign manager, "And furthermore, we
think the poor ballot layout in Florida prevented hundreds, thousands, maybe
even millions of voters from writing-in the obvious choice for president,
Will Rockwood."
"We're not stopping at a recount," said Rockwood's running mate, Skip
Sterling, "That's for chumps like Gore. We want to drag the entire country
through the election process all over again."
An entire country revoting would surely cost the federal government billions
of dollars. "That's not my problem," said Rockwood, "After all, I'm not the president -- yet-- so I don't have to worry about a budget."
"Besides," he said, "It's obvious what happened. Voters in Palm Beach and Broward Counties were confused by my write-in slot being so close to Gore's arrow on the ballot. Clearly the 2 million plus votes that Gore got in Florida rightfully belong to me. We cannot idly stand by while millions of Rockwood voters are disenfranchised by the Democratic Party!"
"It's just like we always said," commented Vanguard, "A vote for Gore is a vote for Bush. But did they listen? Nooooooooo! Well, they're sure paying attention now, aren't they?"
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